Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 2

(to be read after the previous post) 

I've reached a point in life where I realize that the past cannot be remedied. The solution then is to straighten out the present and plan for the future.

Where do I start? Obviously, I need to take stock of my present situation. Knowing myself throughly will allow me to plan my future to accommodate my eccentricities.

Yes I'm eccentric, if you call 'commitment' as eccentricity, if you call the 'ability to love someone unconditionally' as eccentricity and above all if you call 'honesty' an eccentricity.

I have discovered that these characterestics make me unpopular and sometimes annoying to family and friends, but what the hell. This is the real me. Take it or leave it.

Then how does mid life crisis fit into this? Perhaps I've been taking life for granted for too long. Settling into a rut.....waking up at 6.00 AM and going through life mechanically perhaps  dulled my senses and blunted my sensitivity to my surroundings. I thought I was a caring child to my elders, doting parent to children and a loving spouse. I failed to realize that needs change with time, children grow older and parents age and become burden.

One fine day life turns topsy-turvy. A healthy elder fell sick, having to be helped with every little thing from eating, bathing, changing clothes, cleaning up after toilet......everything. Problem was compounded when demetia worsened. Every day is a fight to keep her happy & in good health though I realize it will be downhill from here.

The spouse feels that there is no independance here and decided to find a new route in life. Single parenting is a whole new experience and I'm loving it. Takes a little getting used to childhood tantrums but it is fun.

This is  the time in life that can make you or break you. Losing an emotional support (spouse) and having to handle a rigid and unreasonable elder & taking care of a child alone can take it's toll unless you find support.
What happens when you reach cross roads in your profession simultaneously.?

Now I'm on the threshold of expanding in the profession I'm in but my spouse decided to pack up. Suddenly I feel like Atlas, burdened with the world on my shoulder and very weary.

I confess; there have been moments I've thought of giving up everything and disappearing somewhere but as I mentioned earlier I'm too honest, committed  and unconditional. I'd die of guilt if I gave up on people I love.

So I made up my mind to go ahead and move on. I'll tell that story in stages.......

.......and you, my reader, will come along with me on this Journey in Pursuit of Happiness.

Feel free to comment and guide me if you feel I'm going in the wrong direction. After all GPS isn't always perfect ;-)

Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 1

 

We all talk about the 'mid life crisis'. I did too, in one of my earlier posts.
Come to think about it. What is 'mid  life' really?

If you live to be a 100, middle age is 50. If you have fatal disease in childhood, then what?

OK. I'm going overboard perhaps, but look at it closely from my perspective you'll realize what I say has something worth spending more than a few thoughts on.

There are people who believe that 'mid life' is around 40-45 (mostly) but that means they have an optimistic view of life! If mid life were 40 or 45 you have to live to be around 80 to 90. Phew, that is a looooooong way off!

I'm not that optimistic. I think 65-70 is a realistic age for being 'ripe & old'. Most of us would have had children in their teen or 20s at around 40-45. They are in all likelyhood spreading their wings and ready to fly. In today's nuclear family that is a blow that is hard to take for a lot of people.

Especially when you have reached a stage in life where marriage is a 24 hour compromise. Add to this the following

1. Tantrums the children throw, 
2. The new disease your doctor detected and the recurring expense of medicines,  
3. The feeling that you are getting a little outdated and rusty in your work place, 
4. Loss of a loving family member or the trauma of having to care for an invalid parent
5. The list can go on.......

You see what a volatile mix we deal with when we reach the middle of our lives. No wonder we are all so fixated about the crisis.

Now, my dear reader, I hope you have the picture. Let me tell you, it's never a crisis unless you make it one.

Be prepared. I know people who take a day at a time. It will be alright for a while but then a time will come when you look back and think you could have planned a few things in advance to make the journey smooth.

It's like planning a car trip. Check your batteries, top up your oils, fill your gas tank, inflate your tyres including the spare, update your tax & other papers, ensure your GPS works or carry a map, book your rooms etc, etc......

(to be continued)