I, We & Togetherness

Having said that we need to look inwards to take care of "I", there is another favourite quote of mine.

"If you want to walk fast, walk alone. But if you want to walk far, walk together."

God gave us our relatives but, thankfully, he let us choose our Friends. I don't have many that I can call a true friend (actually hardly any), if a friend is defined as someone who vibes with you emotionally.

On this Journey in pursuit of Happiness it would be good to find a friend. Some who can travel with me and take care of the navigation. Perhaps even hold the wheel and drive once in while when I'm weary and want to rest for sometime.

I love the loneliness but sometimes it makes sense to have a friend to travel with you.

Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 2

(to be read after the previous post) 

I've reached a point in life where I realize that the past cannot be remedied. The solution then is to straighten out the present and plan for the future.

Where do I start? Obviously, I need to take stock of my present situation. Knowing myself throughly will allow me to plan my future to accommodate my eccentricities.

Yes I'm eccentric, if you call 'commitment' as eccentricity, if you call the 'ability to love someone unconditionally' as eccentricity and above all if you call 'honesty' an eccentricity.

I have discovered that these characterestics make me unpopular and sometimes annoying to family and friends, but what the hell. This is the real me. Take it or leave it.

Then how does mid life crisis fit into this? Perhaps I've been taking life for granted for too long. Settling into a rut.....waking up at 6.00 AM and going through life mechanically perhaps  dulled my senses and blunted my sensitivity to my surroundings. I thought I was a caring child to my elders, doting parent to children and a loving spouse. I failed to realize that needs change with time, children grow older and parents age and become burden.

One fine day life turns topsy-turvy. A healthy elder fell sick, having to be helped with every little thing from eating, bathing, changing clothes, cleaning up after toilet......everything. Problem was compounded when demetia worsened. Every day is a fight to keep her happy & in good health though I realize it will be downhill from here.

The spouse feels that there is no independance here and decided to find a new route in life. Single parenting is a whole new experience and I'm loving it. Takes a little getting used to childhood tantrums but it is fun.

This is  the time in life that can make you or break you. Losing an emotional support (spouse) and having to handle a rigid and unreasonable elder & taking care of a child alone can take it's toll unless you find support.
What happens when you reach cross roads in your profession simultaneously.?

Now I'm on the threshold of expanding in the profession I'm in but my spouse decided to pack up. Suddenly I feel like Atlas, burdened with the world on my shoulder and very weary.

I confess; there have been moments I've thought of giving up everything and disappearing somewhere but as I mentioned earlier I'm too honest, committed  and unconditional. I'd die of guilt if I gave up on people I love.

So I made up my mind to go ahead and move on. I'll tell that story in stages.......

.......and you, my reader, will come along with me on this Journey in Pursuit of Happiness.

Feel free to comment and guide me if you feel I'm going in the wrong direction. After all GPS isn't always perfect ;-)

Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 1

 

We all talk about the 'mid life crisis'. I did too, in one of my earlier posts.
Come to think about it. What is 'mid  life' really?

If you live to be a 100, middle age is 50. If you have fatal disease in childhood, then what?

OK. I'm going overboard perhaps, but look at it closely from my perspective you'll realize what I say has something worth spending more than a few thoughts on.

There are people who believe that 'mid life' is around 40-45 (mostly) but that means they have an optimistic view of life! If mid life were 40 or 45 you have to live to be around 80 to 90. Phew, that is a looooooong way off!

I'm not that optimistic. I think 65-70 is a realistic age for being 'ripe & old'. Most of us would have had children in their teen or 20s at around 40-45. They are in all likelyhood spreading their wings and ready to fly. In today's nuclear family that is a blow that is hard to take for a lot of people.

Especially when you have reached a stage in life where marriage is a 24 hour compromise. Add to this the following

1. Tantrums the children throw, 
2. The new disease your doctor detected and the recurring expense of medicines,  
3. The feeling that you are getting a little outdated and rusty in your work place, 
4. Loss of a loving family member or the trauma of having to care for an invalid parent
5. The list can go on.......

You see what a volatile mix we deal with when we reach the middle of our lives. No wonder we are all so fixated about the crisis.

Now, my dear reader, I hope you have the picture. Let me tell you, it's never a crisis unless you make it one.

Be prepared. I know people who take a day at a time. It will be alright for a while but then a time will come when you look back and think you could have planned a few things in advance to make the journey smooth.

It's like planning a car trip. Check your batteries, top up your oils, fill your gas tank, inflate your tyres including the spare, update your tax & other papers, ensure your GPS works or carry a map, book your rooms etc, etc......

(to be continued)

Medicine for Happiness?

Is there a medicine to bring back Happiness? I know it's funny question but there are people in this world who think that way.

When I suddenly lost my Best Friend to circumstances beyond our control, I broke down. Suddenly the world was empty and cruel. Everything I saw with my myopic eyes were ranged against me. I went into a shell because I felt that a part of me had been hacked away with a butcher's knife.

I was down. Cursing Gods, pleading with them and crying out aloud. It was just that I had no one to turn to. My only friend was lost to me and another had her own problems to handle. This second friend made a comment that I was going into Depression and that jolted me.

I wasn't going into Depression. She was wrong. I was just suffering the pangs of being separated from a friend I truly loved (and still love). How can I be branded as a psycho case? If that was the case every person who suffers from the loss of a loved one through death or separation or otherwise should all be 'depressed'. How much farther from truth can you be?

If we lose someone we love, we'll feel it deep within us. It will hurt and unlike physical pain there is really no medicine. Unfortunately there is a group of individuals who prey on sufferers like this. They come in various shapes and sizes and call themselves fancy names, though I'd rather call them vultures.

These "mind-healers" diagnose you with 'depression', a word we are all familiar with. Instead of helping you identify and overcome the cause of your sadness they brand you depressed or psychotic, give the 'disease' a fancy name and pump you full of medicines that leave you drowsy, stuporous and muddle headed. 

The unfortunate thing about these medicines are that you become dependent on it. You feel the 'depression' taking you over if you don't take the medicines. What we don't realize is that it's a mind thing. 

The best medicine is our faith in ourselves. If we put our minds to it we can work around it. All it requires is a change in our mind sets.............and perhaps a good friend to help you along. Given time, any problem can be overcome.

Happiness is a state of mind. It cannot be purchased off the shelf like a medicine and most definitely anti-depressants or anti-psychotics are not the answer.

If we look within ourselves,  Happiness is there to be found. It's always a little difficult to get at, amidst all that clutter within ourselves, but it's definitely there.

We only need to be patient and keep searching. 

Recognizing the "I" within me

Pursuing happiness is tricky when you don't know why or for whom you want it. No doubt, you want happiness for yourself, your family and your friends.

But wait. Think for a moment. Do others matter right now? Perhaps. They are your world and keeping them happy is the primary goal in life. When you think a little beyond that you'll see something that was always there but we never saw it because our love for others blinded us. The "I"  within us.

I learnt to recognize that if I am not happy, I certainly cannot keep others happy. That is the undeniable truth.

In my Pursuit of Happiness my first goal will therefore be to keep 'Self' pampered and happy so that I overflow with good feelings that I can share.

I'm looking inward now. I need to list my needs. I need to gather each one of them so that Self will be happy.

Everything else can wait....

The Other Side of Life

I'm here because I believed that there was no such thing a a mid-life crisis. It never occurred to me, that in the roller coaster ride called Life, accidents do happen.

I also found out that when they happen they can leave such a scar on life that you'll carry it with you for the rest of your life.

I wanted to change that. When there is a dip in the road it has to climb again, and on the other side of the climb could well be the Utopia that I'm seeking. I know it's there somewhere and I'm determined to find it. Alone or with company.

I'm starting a long Journey. I'll share my experiences here so that anyone who is traveling the same road will have something to go by.

Be warned.

Happiness is elusive. Happiness comes in small packets. Happiness is precious. 

If you find it......Treasure it.

Taking Happiness for Granted

I read somewhere that "Life is a Jigsaw. The wise select only the pretty pieces".

How atrociously silly. If you need to appreciate Life, it has to be a 'jigsaw' of little bits of 'pretty' pieces interspersed with little bits of 'ugly' pieces too.

If you want to enjoy life's happy moments there have to be some unhappy ones help us appreciate such moments of joyfulness.

Everyones definition of happiness is different. Most of us take life for granted that we assume that God will ensure that we go through it without difficulty. Not true.

Most of us, perhaps all of us, reach a point in life where we feel the whole world is against us. Some define it as the "mid-life" crisis. I denied that such a point existed till Life stopped one day, like I'd hit a brick wall head-on.
When I came around, I realized that I was faced with that myth that had became reality in my life.

Suddenly I recognized  that Happiness can be short lived, and when deprived of it suddenly, Life can have a whole new dimension.

This then is a tale of my search for Happiness. You are welcome to join me if you see a little bit of you in me. After all, on a Journey it's good to have a 'travel companion' going to the same destination.

Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Central Park

In Search of Happiness

On a rainy day sometime in July last year, I looked out of my window at the sombre grey sky and wondered, "Is there true happiness in this world?"

On that day I did not realize that true happiness lay, not outside my window, but within me. It took me a while to understand that the searching should start from the remote recesses of my mind, not among the many external distractions that life throws at us.

Life will try to mislead your mind & heart but that is part of the adventure. Happiness is a treasure and finding treasures aren't so easy. Besides, treasures are worth risking life & limb for.

My tale in search of happiness.......