Feeling Good in 60 secs

Another thing that I learnt is to smile in adversity. Mind you. Its not as easy as it sounds but it is definitely worth the effort.

I read somewhere, when you are smiling its impossible to feel bad. Try it. Put a smile on your face right now, and hold it for 60 seconds. A whole sixty seconds.

During that sixty seconds, you might laugh at yourself. You might guffaw, but you'll never think a bad thought. It's really impossible to feel sad when you are smiling ;-)

If you cant get to holding your smile for sixty seconds, dont worry. It comes from practise. Think of lifes happy moments and look in that mirror near you. Look at that corners of your mouth curling up slowly. There you are, I got you smiling, haven't I?

Do it once tomorrow, twice the day after, thrice next day and so on. In the end  you'll learn to smile thorugh the day and even in adversity.

Feeling Good for nothing is easy to practise.  

Happiness & Moving on - Part2

You may wonder, dear reader, why the same title. Well, I thought it appropriate to put it here because of some events that happened over the last few days.

This blog was started as a record of my Search for Happiness. From the time I started this I've had glimpses of what I thought was Happiness only to realize that it was only an illusion.

Again, now, I'm on the threshold of discovering something more that might just be the stimulant I need to pick me up and take me further. It's a new found friend. This person has an uncanny resemblance to the friend I lost. Right down from the name to the similarities in their lives and family structures.

Meanwhile God is upto his tricks again. I have learned to believe that it is pointless to look back down the road we travelled, especially if it were strewn with unpleasant memories. I had text message in my phone the other day from a school friend. He said we'd lose sight of new opportunites on the road ahead if we kept looking back over our shoulder expecting a missing past to return. I thought it was perfect for my life.

For the past few weeks I've been keeping my eyes peeled on the road ahead. I don't want to miss the slightest chance to be Happy!!

I found a new friend and we seem to have hit of from the start. It was only then I realized that my past was going to haunt me again. You see, my new friend has the same name as my lost friend!

Not satisfied with watching me squirm God had another cheeky trick to play on me. I 'm about to launch a new venture and the day, chosen by the family, for the launch was based on traditional beliefs. It was much later that I realized, when I looked at the calander, the day was certainly very auspicious but the date was a slap in the face. It was the birthday of my lost friend.

I told my new friend that God has a twisted sense of humour. That certainly was a double whammy.

God can be really funny sometimes. He wants me to move on but wants me to hang on to the past!!

Happiness & Moving on

This was in my mailbox. Perhaps a 'wake up' call. Read on fellow traveler and follow the link.......

"..Life doesn't always go according to plan, but with the right attitude and skills, you can persevere through even the toughest situations - and emerge stronger and better than ever.


The Five Commitments

When life blindsides you, it feels like you've been knocked off your path and into a ditch. What determines whether you stay in the ditch or climb out is how you choose to think about your circumstances while you are going through them. To climb out of the ditch and step onto a level path, you need to come to an agreement with yourself, to make a personal commitment that will transform your thinking and, ultimately, your life.

So as we begin this journey together, I ask you to commit to five simple rules about your thinking. No matter what your circumstances, the Five Commitments will serve as guiding principles for ever)' step of your recovery, preventing you from straying onto paths of doubt or despair.

Commitment 1: I Will Not Feel Sorry for Myself For a person who has suffered a setback, few things are more debilitating than self-pity. Feeling sorry for yourself makes you a victim rather than a victor. Worse, self-pity gives you an excuse to stay right where you are - to let regret and fear hold you hostage. Certainly there is a time to be sad and a time to mourn; these are appropriate, healthy responses to a setback. But there is no time to wallow.

Commitment 2: I Will Not Stare at the Closed Door

Letting go of the past is a necessary precursor to moving forward. It is tempting to think fondly of what used to be - to believe that life cannot be fulfilling or worthwhile without that relationship, that job, that role, that measure of success you've now lost. If you are so focused on staring at the closed door that you refuse to face forward, you'll never discover the open doors that lie ahead.

Commitment 3: I Will Dig Deep to Unearth All the Courage I Need Without courage, a person knocked off course and into a ditch will stay there. Being afraid of making a wrong move, getting hurt, being embarrassed, or facing the future will paralyze you from taking action. The comeback process requires you to muster a great deal of courage. You need courage to believe better days are ahead. You need courage to ask for help. You need courage to let go of the past and deal with the uncertainty of the future. You need courage to start over - to take steps forward despite your fears. You may want to post 1 Corinthians 16:13 somewhere you'll see it often: "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong."

Commitment 4: I Will Direct My Thoughts - My Thoughts Will Not Direct Me

The difference between those who come back strong and those who wither is how they think - or, more precisely, how well they are able to manage self-sabotaging thoughts. Later we'll look more closely at the significant ways your thoughts influence your mood, motivation, and actions. For now, keep in mind this key principle: resilient people choose to think differently. They believe they can bounce back, and that belief leads them to take positive action toward their recovery.

Commitment 5: I Will Choose to Relieve All Things Work Together for Good

In the midst of a storm, it can be hard to believe anything good will come. But it will. Sometimes it takes years to see what God is doing in a particular situation, but with patience, time, and faith, the good becomes more obvious. Choosing to believe that God is orchestrating the final outcome for good can provide the motivation you need to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds.

 Read through the Five Commitments once more, and then make them part of your own personal comeback plan. To signify your commitment, photocopy the section below, then sign it to establish your pact with yourself. Post this contract wherever it will serve as a daily reminder of your choice to move forward......"

Thanks Valorie Burton
(Click on the link to read the full article) 

Happiness in Five Minutes

Life is crazy isn’t it? And sometimes being happy and content just seems impossible. Life is hard, long, and at times painful. But the good news is that it is possible to find joy and be happy. It really is. Here are a few tips that can change your dreary day into sunshine and smiles. And you can make that happen.

• Realize that rain falls. When you accept that life will and does get tough and sometimes for entire season you can smile. Sure ,what you are experiencing may be really painful and even difficult, but those very things can help you grow. Know that this life will be filled with hard things but strive to overcome them and look for the light on the other side. You really can smile even in a thunder storm. Remember that things don’t stay the same and seek to learn all you can about yourself and other people when life hurts and feels unfair.

• Smile at a stranger. Take the time to care about other people. Even people you don’t know. It really is true that even small things like smiling are not only helpful. They are contagious. Be kind to the grumpy salesperson, let the rude driver pass you and buy a coffee for the person you don’t even know. Why? Just because you can. Make the world a better place.

• Forgive and move on. Most of us carry around hurts from the past. Some are huge and some go way back into our childhood. But guess what? You gotta move on. Don’t dwell on the past. You don’t have to forget or give up boundaries to protect yourself from an unhealthy relationship but letting go and forgiving can do wonders to your heart. Realize all the wrong and hurt you have caused, yes maybe even back in elementary school. Give grace to people and let yourself heal and grow by forgiving.

• Slow down. We all move way too fast in life. Sure there is a lot to see and many responsibilities but busyness steals away from the simple joys of life. Take time to visit that grandparent, pick up the phone and call a friend you miss. Pause and see the new flowers budding in the middle of the city. Open a door for someone or simply slow down when walking to your next destination. Cancel meetings that don’t need to happen, hug that little one that is changing by the minute, sip your coffee and quit making your schedule so full. Enjoy the time you have been given. Life moves fast. Don’t miss it. You know there are no dress rehearsals so get it right the first time.

• Be grateful for where you are at. Even if you are in a terrible divorce, have been wronged by a boss, or are grieving a major loss, seek to find the good. It may feel impossible and against what you want to do but you can choose to focus on the positive. Even in the worst of situations there are things to be grateful for. How about a healthy child? Food to eat? A family or even one person who loves you? Be happy and thankful for the big and small things you have in life. If you focus on what isn’t or what you don’t have you will only make life exasperating and no fun. Each day seek to focus on what you have to be grateful for. In fact, why not make a journal. You can do that right now. List all you can rejoice about. It may be as simple as a new bloom on a flower, or a hot shower, but even these little things will help your heart enjoy the life you have been given.

Try these things and see that happiness is right in front of you!

Acknowledgement: Diane Johnson through the Self-Help Happiness Blog 

 

Happiness & Children

I'm back. It's been a rather long 'vacation' for me but such a cheerful one.

I've been with three children (besides others) between 5 and 12 and wondered at their ability to adapt and adjust with each other. I'm not telling you that there were no sore moments (there were plenty) but it is the ability of these little ones to put things behind in a jiffy and go forward in life as if nothing happened a few moments before.

We have to take a leaf out of their book and learn to wipe out unpleasant experiences out of out minds quickly. If it rankles it kills your Happiness for the entire day. For example; I was walking with my hand over my son's shoulder to our room at the resort. a few moments before his little cousin had adamantly refused to return his Nintendo and insisted he not even watch her play. Obviously upset he came to me with a little drop of tear in the corner of his eye. "Why is she so selfish, papa?", he enquired, "It's my Nintendo". I hugged him and told him, "You are the nicest brother she'll have but remember she's still too small to understand". I told him that we'd go watch movies on my laptop instead.

As we walked down the paved path to our room the little girl who usurped his Nintendo ran past us. Before I could tell her to slow down, she tripped and fell. No major injury except a slightly grazed knee and a massively hurt ego! She was bawling by the time we got to her.

Before I could bend down to pick her up my son was on his knees hugging her and comforting her. He picked her up, dusted her frock, gently blew the dust off her bruised knee and hugged her. "It's Ok. I'll punish this bad stone", he said and stomped on the pavement. The two off them walked off together, hand in hand, the argument over the Nintendo forgotten.

I had a lump in my throat as I bent down to pick up the offending Nintendo that had fallen from my niece's hand into the bushes beside the path.

All's well that ends well. 

Perhaps we all need to become children once again to learn to forget and forgive. Happiness will sprout from such moments when we can put aside differences and work together.

After all, Life is a Compromise. 

Happiness & Life rules

Got this from a Blog and I find it makes a lot of sense.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair – get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were
So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one..

Happiness & Holidays

It's been a long gap between posts and will be a little longer.

Guess why? Holiday season.

There is nothing better than having sisters, cousins, nephews & nieces swarming all over the house to add to the cheerfullness. I love holidays and my son loves it too. It's an endless series of adventures for everyone and my laptop lies forgotten.

We are leaving on a trip starting Thursday. Hopefully, Monday next will see us back at home unless Wanderlust grows wings on our feet and takes us farther. I'll be carrying this hardware but I know it'll be excess baggage!! Where will I find time to blog when a horde of God's little creations  crawl all over their "Favourite Person in the World",   ........ ME!!

I'm busy spreading Happiness here, I'll be back soon.

P.S: I was rummaging through my bookshelf and I discovered, hidden behind all my new acquistitions, a lovely little book. BEING HAPPY by Andrew Matthews. More on that later.

Have a Happy Holiday folks & watch this space.

Happiness is an Energy

   

When I switch on my bedroom light I see everything in the room. The bed, the sheets, the air conditioner, the ceiling fan, the windows, the curtains, the TV & Music system.....everything within the four walls. When I press the various remotes, music flows out of the speaker to soothe me, the air conditioner blows cool air over my sweating body and images form on the TV screen.

Isn't it amazing that these are possible because of some invisible forces? We see because of the light but the light itself we never see.   We hear because of the sound that comes out of the speakers but the sound itself we never see. We feel cool and refreshed because of the cooled air that flows over us but the air itself or the heat/cool we never see.

Scientists call them Light Energy, Sound Energy & Heat energy.

All of them invisible to eye, and untouchable or feelable, so we can give no recognizable form for them. They travel at different speeds to reach our immediate environment and make changes in it so we are "comfortable". That is the Power of Energy. Invisible external forces that induce changes around us and transport our minds to different experiences.

Similarly our Thoughts are Energy too. An energy that is within our grasp and available to us to harness. It's an energy that helps us mould our lives provided we learn to control it, twist it and bend it in the way we want to achieve what we want.

That leaves us with Happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. If you choose to be happy, you will be. If you'd rather choose to be overwhelmed by your circumstances and wallow in self-depreciating pity it's your choice.

Get out of your hole and soak in the sunshine. Feel the warm glow seep into your your body, waking up each molecule as it goes deeper. Feel that energy that makes you want to jump in the air and sing.

That is Happiness. The energy that resides in your mind and is ready to take you beyond your dreams. It's not difficult to harness this energy. You only have to gain control over your thoughts and that is not difficult as I'm discovering now and I'll share it with you as we travel this road in search of Happiness.

IPL

Funny...

When you just thought that you had a nice thing going something pops up. The excitement of the World Cup victory is just passing and the IPL happens.

Relationships, Trust & A Stranger

The foundation of any relationship, whether in a family, friends or lovers, is TRUST. 

Trust does not come instantly. It has to come over a period of time and built block by little block. Very few people are untrustworthy. More often than not, people can be trusted almost in the first instance. The untrustworthy ones can be identified quite easily too. They tend to be very superficial in their statements and tend to contradict themselves frequently.

As for the rest of us, who seek to build a strong relationship; we are usually cautious. We sometimes lie to  ourselves about little things just to convince ourselves that the other person is genuine. This may, in most cases be wrong. If we sense that the other person is lying, it is usually true that they are lying. We can 'sense' lies. Once these sensations become frequent it is better to slow down and think.

There is an article I read about how infants 'trust' other - Body language. Here is an excerpt, Try it and see if it works.

"RELEARNING HOW INFANTS MAKE DECISIONS 

• Think about someone you trust completely because they always keep their word.

• While thinking about this person, "take a reading" of your body. Notice how you feel in your torso (shoulders to pelvis). To make sure you remember this sensation, write down a few words to describe it (e.g.-"warmth in my chest," "lighter in my stomach,")

• Practice making yourself feel this sensation over and over (about 10 times). Get so good at it that you can make the sensation happen with just a single thought.

• Now think about someone you do not trust because they seldom keep their word..

• Repeat step 2. (Notice the COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sensation.)

• Repeat step 3 (Practice this new feeling.)

• Now test your skill by thinking about some recent acquaintances. Take another "body reading" as you think about each of these people, one at a time. Compare these sensations with the sensations you remember from the person you trust, and then with the sensations you remember from the person you don't trust.

• Then simply ask yourself: "Do I trust these new people?"

The answer will come to you immediately, without further thinking, and without further testing or practice. You have reacquired a skill, and it will always be available for you."
 
 Apply this steps when you meet someone next. If they seem eager to please be wary. There is nothing like a broken trust to keep you plunged in grief for a very long time. Especially if you have built a relationship over a period of time and you suddenly discover that your 'friend' was never really a friend at all.

When a relationship is genuine it builds up gradually and stays steady or becomes stronger each passing day. If the person who just walked into your life is not genuine, the relationship carries on in fits and jerks and eventually breaks down irreparably like a faulty car engine.

My friend the Stranger, is strangely silent......why?

To the Stranger I walk with

Got sidetracked a bit by other events like the World Cup (which India won so convincingly).

This is that point in life where the compass has not four, but forty directions. I'm not sure which way to turn because each road seems like an obstacle course worse than the next. I'm not contemplating giving up but I'm looking at my inbuilt GPS to guide me. However, there is nothing better to have beside you than a companion who has travelled the road before.

I've been resting on the wayside when this stranger came along and sat beside me. For want of nothing to do I picked up a conversation and I find the stranger is no more a 'stranger'. Like God sent someone with more experience to guide me along.

 I'm too much of an introvert and my friends are few. It hurts when I lose them, and badly. So when a stranger extends a hand in friendship I'm hesitant.
"Will you be my Friend?" is not my question; "Will you be my Friend Forever?" is. That is because I'm tired of travelling life alone. I only need a friend. 

Someone I can turn to when the whole world seems ranged against me. Someone who can help me make decisions without bias. Someone who likes me or loves me for what I am.

A true friend knows no two souls are alike. There will be a lot of differences and few similarities but it takes three different bundles of hair to make a braid. A true friend is someone who will accept my quirks without complaint. An undemanding unconditional friend.

That is because I'm like that. Unconditional, undemanding, and always accepting anything my friend throws at me even if it hurts a bit in the bargain. After all, what are Friends for?

Dear Stranger......sorry, Dear Friend, I hope we will find something in each other that will make us friends for life. 

Social Networking & Happiness

This is a strange world today. Friendships are made online and dies online. Such acquaintances suffer no pangs of separation because they are like that.

After all your real Friend is your Computer. It's the bird cage in which all your frinds are confined.

What does it matter if your friend on the other side is suffering? You can sympathetically cluck like a concerned hen sitting halfway across the globe. You friend feels happy you 'felt' for him/her. Their day is made.

I've signed up in many sites like that also. I confess, even Adult Friend Finder recently (just to see if a middle aged man could find emotional support, how foolinsh of me!). All the networking sites are similar. When they start off it's only for friends, communities, stable relationships and perhaps even marriage. Eventually, 90% of the members are looking for sex, I'm not minicing words here because I'm so disappointed.

That is because, young girls just out of their teens want "an older experienced gentleman, willing to spend" for a discrete relationship. If you are out for sex, why ask for money? Funny.

Here I am a 40 something man, suffering the pangs of separation, searching for a lost friend (first 9 priorities) or make a new one (10th on priority list), looking for emotional support and companionship. Sex is the last thing on my mind because I believe sex with a stranger is lust. Any whore will do then. I need to be compatible emotionally before I can jump into bed. I make love gently & passionately. I can't enjoy raw sex without that bonding in mind and heart. 

Forgive me if I sound like an idiot. I know most of my readers will be shaking their heads in pity and telling each other that I don't know which side of my bread is buttered.

It's Ok. I will live with my faults. Take it or leave it.

Social Networking will not give me the Happiness I'm searching for but I  might find some rare Gems that I will value all my life. 

India wins...

Another interruption. Stopped to watch India celebrate their victory. I saw the many faces of happiness. Here are few.

1. COOL HAPPINESS: Captain Dhoni & Coach Gary Kirsten
2. EXUBERANT HAPPINESS: The young gang Raina, Sreesanth, and other
3. EMOTIONAL HAPPINESS: Tendulkar & Harbhajan
4. GRITTY HAPPINESS: Yuvraj Singh

Of  the above I think Yuvraj has shown me a way out. Down but not out. Get up and fight attitude.

Way to go India...... 

Of Possessiveness - 2

(to be read after the previous post)

When I get into a relationship with someone, man or woman, I take my time. To me, a good friend is for life. Which means I will go all out to ensure that I keep that friend happy that they value and cherish the relationship we share.

The 'bad' part of it is that, once I make up my mind about becoming someone's friend I never let go. My commitment is for life. Even if my friend walks out of my life I'll keep worrying about them. I'll respect their space and not trouble them much but I like to remind them once in a while that I still exist. After all if the commitment was mutual, the friend who walked out (usually always that way, I never walk out on anyone) also will think of me once in  awhile. So for every sneeze of mine my friend would have sneezed a thousand times.

Now how does possessiveness come into this definition? I usually recognize when I go over the top with my attention and pause to ask my friend if I'm overwhelming them with my affection. To date no one has complained. As a matter of fact my best friend once told me she liked the attention I showered on her.

Being possessive is alright as long as it does not infringe on your friend's freedom. If I think all the attention is becoming a distraction to my friend and a bit restrictive I usually step back, especially when I get definite signs that I'm overdoing things.

Can that backward step be construed as a reversal in the relationship? Never, my reader. My commitment is for a lifetime. I'm only stepping back to avoid stepping on my friends toes.

Possessiveness is Love. If love overwhelms you then perhaps it was no reciprocated correctly. I mean the friend was not as sincere. Then what was the relationship about anyway.

I'm a possessive person. If you want to be my friend be ready to be overwhelmed.

One parting suggestion, ( because I hate "advising" people) -  
"Walk in the other guy’s shoes. Before you do, sanitize them so you don’t get foot fungus. After you’ve walked a mile in them, give them back, and respect that he might not be willing to walk in yours yet."

Of Possesiveness

A Nice Article about Love: (by Swami Vivekananda)


I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."


This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.


This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.


# Give and don't expect.

# advise, but don't order.

# ask, but never demand.


It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....


This  above matter was forwarded by a someone three years ago. It describes beautifully how possessiveness can be cause for sadness.


The best friend I had walked out of my life abruptly but I'm not sure it was because of my possessiveness. 


There are people who crave attention and thrive in it. There are still other who feel claustrophobic with even a little attention. Where do you draw the line then? How do you know which individual will react in what way? Funny world God created. 


  

A Stranger on My Journey

I'm interrupting this Journey for a moment. I came across someone here on the net and I found that I'm not alone in my search.

Very similar lives, very similar experiences, very similar needs.....

Perhaps it's Gods way of showing me that life is not treating only me badly. It maybe a change for the better. A companion to help me cover the next leg before disappearing into the mists.

I'm tired of losing people in my life. If someone can point out what it is in me that suddenly finds me alone again, I could correct it.

I hope my new  friend will be able to contribute in my search for discovering myself.......

I, We & Togetherness

Having said that we need to look inwards to take care of "I", there is another favourite quote of mine.

"If you want to walk fast, walk alone. But if you want to walk far, walk together."

God gave us our relatives but, thankfully, he let us choose our Friends. I don't have many that I can call a true friend (actually hardly any), if a friend is defined as someone who vibes with you emotionally.

On this Journey in pursuit of Happiness it would be good to find a friend. Some who can travel with me and take care of the navigation. Perhaps even hold the wheel and drive once in while when I'm weary and want to rest for sometime.

I love the loneliness but sometimes it makes sense to have a friend to travel with you.

Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 2

(to be read after the previous post) 

I've reached a point in life where I realize that the past cannot be remedied. The solution then is to straighten out the present and plan for the future.

Where do I start? Obviously, I need to take stock of my present situation. Knowing myself throughly will allow me to plan my future to accommodate my eccentricities.

Yes I'm eccentric, if you call 'commitment' as eccentricity, if you call the 'ability to love someone unconditionally' as eccentricity and above all if you call 'honesty' an eccentricity.

I have discovered that these characterestics make me unpopular and sometimes annoying to family and friends, but what the hell. This is the real me. Take it or leave it.

Then how does mid life crisis fit into this? Perhaps I've been taking life for granted for too long. Settling into a rut.....waking up at 6.00 AM and going through life mechanically perhaps  dulled my senses and blunted my sensitivity to my surroundings. I thought I was a caring child to my elders, doting parent to children and a loving spouse. I failed to realize that needs change with time, children grow older and parents age and become burden.

One fine day life turns topsy-turvy. A healthy elder fell sick, having to be helped with every little thing from eating, bathing, changing clothes, cleaning up after toilet......everything. Problem was compounded when demetia worsened. Every day is a fight to keep her happy & in good health though I realize it will be downhill from here.

The spouse feels that there is no independance here and decided to find a new route in life. Single parenting is a whole new experience and I'm loving it. Takes a little getting used to childhood tantrums but it is fun.

This is  the time in life that can make you or break you. Losing an emotional support (spouse) and having to handle a rigid and unreasonable elder & taking care of a child alone can take it's toll unless you find support.
What happens when you reach cross roads in your profession simultaneously.?

Now I'm on the threshold of expanding in the profession I'm in but my spouse decided to pack up. Suddenly I feel like Atlas, burdened with the world on my shoulder and very weary.

I confess; there have been moments I've thought of giving up everything and disappearing somewhere but as I mentioned earlier I'm too honest, committed  and unconditional. I'd die of guilt if I gave up on people I love.

So I made up my mind to go ahead and move on. I'll tell that story in stages.......

.......and you, my reader, will come along with me on this Journey in Pursuit of Happiness.

Feel free to comment and guide me if you feel I'm going in the wrong direction. After all GPS isn't always perfect ;-)

Mid Life Crisis & Happiness - 1

 

We all talk about the 'mid life crisis'. I did too, in one of my earlier posts.
Come to think about it. What is 'mid  life' really?

If you live to be a 100, middle age is 50. If you have fatal disease in childhood, then what?

OK. I'm going overboard perhaps, but look at it closely from my perspective you'll realize what I say has something worth spending more than a few thoughts on.

There are people who believe that 'mid life' is around 40-45 (mostly) but that means they have an optimistic view of life! If mid life were 40 or 45 you have to live to be around 80 to 90. Phew, that is a looooooong way off!

I'm not that optimistic. I think 65-70 is a realistic age for being 'ripe & old'. Most of us would have had children in their teen or 20s at around 40-45. They are in all likelyhood spreading their wings and ready to fly. In today's nuclear family that is a blow that is hard to take for a lot of people.

Especially when you have reached a stage in life where marriage is a 24 hour compromise. Add to this the following

1. Tantrums the children throw, 
2. The new disease your doctor detected and the recurring expense of medicines,  
3. The feeling that you are getting a little outdated and rusty in your work place, 
4. Loss of a loving family member or the trauma of having to care for an invalid parent
5. The list can go on.......

You see what a volatile mix we deal with when we reach the middle of our lives. No wonder we are all so fixated about the crisis.

Now, my dear reader, I hope you have the picture. Let me tell you, it's never a crisis unless you make it one.

Be prepared. I know people who take a day at a time. It will be alright for a while but then a time will come when you look back and think you could have planned a few things in advance to make the journey smooth.

It's like planning a car trip. Check your batteries, top up your oils, fill your gas tank, inflate your tyres including the spare, update your tax & other papers, ensure your GPS works or carry a map, book your rooms etc, etc......

(to be continued)

Medicine for Happiness?

Is there a medicine to bring back Happiness? I know it's funny question but there are people in this world who think that way.

When I suddenly lost my Best Friend to circumstances beyond our control, I broke down. Suddenly the world was empty and cruel. Everything I saw with my myopic eyes were ranged against me. I went into a shell because I felt that a part of me had been hacked away with a butcher's knife.

I was down. Cursing Gods, pleading with them and crying out aloud. It was just that I had no one to turn to. My only friend was lost to me and another had her own problems to handle. This second friend made a comment that I was going into Depression and that jolted me.

I wasn't going into Depression. She was wrong. I was just suffering the pangs of being separated from a friend I truly loved (and still love). How can I be branded as a psycho case? If that was the case every person who suffers from the loss of a loved one through death or separation or otherwise should all be 'depressed'. How much farther from truth can you be?

If we lose someone we love, we'll feel it deep within us. It will hurt and unlike physical pain there is really no medicine. Unfortunately there is a group of individuals who prey on sufferers like this. They come in various shapes and sizes and call themselves fancy names, though I'd rather call them vultures.

These "mind-healers" diagnose you with 'depression', a word we are all familiar with. Instead of helping you identify and overcome the cause of your sadness they brand you depressed or psychotic, give the 'disease' a fancy name and pump you full of medicines that leave you drowsy, stuporous and muddle headed. 

The unfortunate thing about these medicines are that you become dependent on it. You feel the 'depression' taking you over if you don't take the medicines. What we don't realize is that it's a mind thing. 

The best medicine is our faith in ourselves. If we put our minds to it we can work around it. All it requires is a change in our mind sets.............and perhaps a good friend to help you along. Given time, any problem can be overcome.

Happiness is a state of mind. It cannot be purchased off the shelf like a medicine and most definitely anti-depressants or anti-psychotics are not the answer.

If we look within ourselves,  Happiness is there to be found. It's always a little difficult to get at, amidst all that clutter within ourselves, but it's definitely there.

We only need to be patient and keep searching. 

Recognizing the "I" within me

Pursuing happiness is tricky when you don't know why or for whom you want it. No doubt, you want happiness for yourself, your family and your friends.

But wait. Think for a moment. Do others matter right now? Perhaps. They are your world and keeping them happy is the primary goal in life. When you think a little beyond that you'll see something that was always there but we never saw it because our love for others blinded us. The "I"  within us.

I learnt to recognize that if I am not happy, I certainly cannot keep others happy. That is the undeniable truth.

In my Pursuit of Happiness my first goal will therefore be to keep 'Self' pampered and happy so that I overflow with good feelings that I can share.

I'm looking inward now. I need to list my needs. I need to gather each one of them so that Self will be happy.

Everything else can wait....

The Other Side of Life

I'm here because I believed that there was no such thing a a mid-life crisis. It never occurred to me, that in the roller coaster ride called Life, accidents do happen.

I also found out that when they happen they can leave such a scar on life that you'll carry it with you for the rest of your life.

I wanted to change that. When there is a dip in the road it has to climb again, and on the other side of the climb could well be the Utopia that I'm seeking. I know it's there somewhere and I'm determined to find it. Alone or with company.

I'm starting a long Journey. I'll share my experiences here so that anyone who is traveling the same road will have something to go by.

Be warned.

Happiness is elusive. Happiness comes in small packets. Happiness is precious. 

If you find it......Treasure it.

Taking Happiness for Granted

I read somewhere that "Life is a Jigsaw. The wise select only the pretty pieces".

How atrociously silly. If you need to appreciate Life, it has to be a 'jigsaw' of little bits of 'pretty' pieces interspersed with little bits of 'ugly' pieces too.

If you want to enjoy life's happy moments there have to be some unhappy ones help us appreciate such moments of joyfulness.

Everyones definition of happiness is different. Most of us take life for granted that we assume that God will ensure that we go through it without difficulty. Not true.

Most of us, perhaps all of us, reach a point in life where we feel the whole world is against us. Some define it as the "mid-life" crisis. I denied that such a point existed till Life stopped one day, like I'd hit a brick wall head-on.
When I came around, I realized that I was faced with that myth that had became reality in my life.

Suddenly I recognized  that Happiness can be short lived, and when deprived of it suddenly, Life can have a whole new dimension.

This then is a tale of my search for Happiness. You are welcome to join me if you see a little bit of you in me. After all, on a Journey it's good to have a 'travel companion' going to the same destination.

Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Central Park

In Search of Happiness

On a rainy day sometime in July last year, I looked out of my window at the sombre grey sky and wondered, "Is there true happiness in this world?"

On that day I did not realize that true happiness lay, not outside my window, but within me. It took me a while to understand that the searching should start from the remote recesses of my mind, not among the many external distractions that life throws at us.

Life will try to mislead your mind & heart but that is part of the adventure. Happiness is a treasure and finding treasures aren't so easy. Besides, treasures are worth risking life & limb for.

My tale in search of happiness.......