Happiness & Children

I'm back. It's been a rather long 'vacation' for me but such a cheerful one.

I've been with three children (besides others) between 5 and 12 and wondered at their ability to adapt and adjust with each other. I'm not telling you that there were no sore moments (there were plenty) but it is the ability of these little ones to put things behind in a jiffy and go forward in life as if nothing happened a few moments before.

We have to take a leaf out of their book and learn to wipe out unpleasant experiences out of out minds quickly. If it rankles it kills your Happiness for the entire day. For example; I was walking with my hand over my son's shoulder to our room at the resort. a few moments before his little cousin had adamantly refused to return his Nintendo and insisted he not even watch her play. Obviously upset he came to me with a little drop of tear in the corner of his eye. "Why is she so selfish, papa?", he enquired, "It's my Nintendo". I hugged him and told him, "You are the nicest brother she'll have but remember she's still too small to understand". I told him that we'd go watch movies on my laptop instead.

As we walked down the paved path to our room the little girl who usurped his Nintendo ran past us. Before I could tell her to slow down, she tripped and fell. No major injury except a slightly grazed knee and a massively hurt ego! She was bawling by the time we got to her.

Before I could bend down to pick her up my son was on his knees hugging her and comforting her. He picked her up, dusted her frock, gently blew the dust off her bruised knee and hugged her. "It's Ok. I'll punish this bad stone", he said and stomped on the pavement. The two off them walked off together, hand in hand, the argument over the Nintendo forgotten.

I had a lump in my throat as I bent down to pick up the offending Nintendo that had fallen from my niece's hand into the bushes beside the path.

All's well that ends well. 

Perhaps we all need to become children once again to learn to forget and forgive. Happiness will sprout from such moments when we can put aside differences and work together.

After all, Life is a Compromise. 

Happiness & Life rules

Got this from a Blog and I find it makes a lot of sense.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair – get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were
So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one..

Happiness & Holidays

It's been a long gap between posts and will be a little longer.

Guess why? Holiday season.

There is nothing better than having sisters, cousins, nephews & nieces swarming all over the house to add to the cheerfullness. I love holidays and my son loves it too. It's an endless series of adventures for everyone and my laptop lies forgotten.

We are leaving on a trip starting Thursday. Hopefully, Monday next will see us back at home unless Wanderlust grows wings on our feet and takes us farther. I'll be carrying this hardware but I know it'll be excess baggage!! Where will I find time to blog when a horde of God's little creations  crawl all over their "Favourite Person in the World",   ........ ME!!

I'm busy spreading Happiness here, I'll be back soon.

P.S: I was rummaging through my bookshelf and I discovered, hidden behind all my new acquistitions, a lovely little book. BEING HAPPY by Andrew Matthews. More on that later.

Have a Happy Holiday folks & watch this space.

Happiness is an Energy

   

When I switch on my bedroom light I see everything in the room. The bed, the sheets, the air conditioner, the ceiling fan, the windows, the curtains, the TV & Music system.....everything within the four walls. When I press the various remotes, music flows out of the speaker to soothe me, the air conditioner blows cool air over my sweating body and images form on the TV screen.

Isn't it amazing that these are possible because of some invisible forces? We see because of the light but the light itself we never see.   We hear because of the sound that comes out of the speakers but the sound itself we never see. We feel cool and refreshed because of the cooled air that flows over us but the air itself or the heat/cool we never see.

Scientists call them Light Energy, Sound Energy & Heat energy.

All of them invisible to eye, and untouchable or feelable, so we can give no recognizable form for them. They travel at different speeds to reach our immediate environment and make changes in it so we are "comfortable". That is the Power of Energy. Invisible external forces that induce changes around us and transport our minds to different experiences.

Similarly our Thoughts are Energy too. An energy that is within our grasp and available to us to harness. It's an energy that helps us mould our lives provided we learn to control it, twist it and bend it in the way we want to achieve what we want.

That leaves us with Happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. If you choose to be happy, you will be. If you'd rather choose to be overwhelmed by your circumstances and wallow in self-depreciating pity it's your choice.

Get out of your hole and soak in the sunshine. Feel the warm glow seep into your your body, waking up each molecule as it goes deeper. Feel that energy that makes you want to jump in the air and sing.

That is Happiness. The energy that resides in your mind and is ready to take you beyond your dreams. It's not difficult to harness this energy. You only have to gain control over your thoughts and that is not difficult as I'm discovering now and I'll share it with you as we travel this road in search of Happiness.

IPL

Funny...

When you just thought that you had a nice thing going something pops up. The excitement of the World Cup victory is just passing and the IPL happens.

Relationships, Trust & A Stranger

The foundation of any relationship, whether in a family, friends or lovers, is TRUST. 

Trust does not come instantly. It has to come over a period of time and built block by little block. Very few people are untrustworthy. More often than not, people can be trusted almost in the first instance. The untrustworthy ones can be identified quite easily too. They tend to be very superficial in their statements and tend to contradict themselves frequently.

As for the rest of us, who seek to build a strong relationship; we are usually cautious. We sometimes lie to  ourselves about little things just to convince ourselves that the other person is genuine. This may, in most cases be wrong. If we sense that the other person is lying, it is usually true that they are lying. We can 'sense' lies. Once these sensations become frequent it is better to slow down and think.

There is an article I read about how infants 'trust' other - Body language. Here is an excerpt, Try it and see if it works.

"RELEARNING HOW INFANTS MAKE DECISIONS 

• Think about someone you trust completely because they always keep their word.

• While thinking about this person, "take a reading" of your body. Notice how you feel in your torso (shoulders to pelvis). To make sure you remember this sensation, write down a few words to describe it (e.g.-"warmth in my chest," "lighter in my stomach,")

• Practice making yourself feel this sensation over and over (about 10 times). Get so good at it that you can make the sensation happen with just a single thought.

• Now think about someone you do not trust because they seldom keep their word..

• Repeat step 2. (Notice the COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sensation.)

• Repeat step 3 (Practice this new feeling.)

• Now test your skill by thinking about some recent acquaintances. Take another "body reading" as you think about each of these people, one at a time. Compare these sensations with the sensations you remember from the person you trust, and then with the sensations you remember from the person you don't trust.

• Then simply ask yourself: "Do I trust these new people?"

The answer will come to you immediately, without further thinking, and without further testing or practice. You have reacquired a skill, and it will always be available for you."
 
 Apply this steps when you meet someone next. If they seem eager to please be wary. There is nothing like a broken trust to keep you plunged in grief for a very long time. Especially if you have built a relationship over a period of time and you suddenly discover that your 'friend' was never really a friend at all.

When a relationship is genuine it builds up gradually and stays steady or becomes stronger each passing day. If the person who just walked into your life is not genuine, the relationship carries on in fits and jerks and eventually breaks down irreparably like a faulty car engine.

My friend the Stranger, is strangely silent......why?

To the Stranger I walk with

Got sidetracked a bit by other events like the World Cup (which India won so convincingly).

This is that point in life where the compass has not four, but forty directions. I'm not sure which way to turn because each road seems like an obstacle course worse than the next. I'm not contemplating giving up but I'm looking at my inbuilt GPS to guide me. However, there is nothing better to have beside you than a companion who has travelled the road before.

I've been resting on the wayside when this stranger came along and sat beside me. For want of nothing to do I picked up a conversation and I find the stranger is no more a 'stranger'. Like God sent someone with more experience to guide me along.

 I'm too much of an introvert and my friends are few. It hurts when I lose them, and badly. So when a stranger extends a hand in friendship I'm hesitant.
"Will you be my Friend?" is not my question; "Will you be my Friend Forever?" is. That is because I'm tired of travelling life alone. I only need a friend. 

Someone I can turn to when the whole world seems ranged against me. Someone who can help me make decisions without bias. Someone who likes me or loves me for what I am.

A true friend knows no two souls are alike. There will be a lot of differences and few similarities but it takes three different bundles of hair to make a braid. A true friend is someone who will accept my quirks without complaint. An undemanding unconditional friend.

That is because I'm like that. Unconditional, undemanding, and always accepting anything my friend throws at me even if it hurts a bit in the bargain. After all, what are Friends for?

Dear Stranger......sorry, Dear Friend, I hope we will find something in each other that will make us friends for life. 

Social Networking & Happiness

This is a strange world today. Friendships are made online and dies online. Such acquaintances suffer no pangs of separation because they are like that.

After all your real Friend is your Computer. It's the bird cage in which all your frinds are confined.

What does it matter if your friend on the other side is suffering? You can sympathetically cluck like a concerned hen sitting halfway across the globe. You friend feels happy you 'felt' for him/her. Their day is made.

I've signed up in many sites like that also. I confess, even Adult Friend Finder recently (just to see if a middle aged man could find emotional support, how foolinsh of me!). All the networking sites are similar. When they start off it's only for friends, communities, stable relationships and perhaps even marriage. Eventually, 90% of the members are looking for sex, I'm not minicing words here because I'm so disappointed.

That is because, young girls just out of their teens want "an older experienced gentleman, willing to spend" for a discrete relationship. If you are out for sex, why ask for money? Funny.

Here I am a 40 something man, suffering the pangs of separation, searching for a lost friend (first 9 priorities) or make a new one (10th on priority list), looking for emotional support and companionship. Sex is the last thing on my mind because I believe sex with a stranger is lust. Any whore will do then. I need to be compatible emotionally before I can jump into bed. I make love gently & passionately. I can't enjoy raw sex without that bonding in mind and heart. 

Forgive me if I sound like an idiot. I know most of my readers will be shaking their heads in pity and telling each other that I don't know which side of my bread is buttered.

It's Ok. I will live with my faults. Take it or leave it.

Social Networking will not give me the Happiness I'm searching for but I  might find some rare Gems that I will value all my life. 

India wins...

Another interruption. Stopped to watch India celebrate their victory. I saw the many faces of happiness. Here are few.

1. COOL HAPPINESS: Captain Dhoni & Coach Gary Kirsten
2. EXUBERANT HAPPINESS: The young gang Raina, Sreesanth, and other
3. EMOTIONAL HAPPINESS: Tendulkar & Harbhajan
4. GRITTY HAPPINESS: Yuvraj Singh

Of  the above I think Yuvraj has shown me a way out. Down but not out. Get up and fight attitude.

Way to go India...... 

Of Possessiveness - 2

(to be read after the previous post)

When I get into a relationship with someone, man or woman, I take my time. To me, a good friend is for life. Which means I will go all out to ensure that I keep that friend happy that they value and cherish the relationship we share.

The 'bad' part of it is that, once I make up my mind about becoming someone's friend I never let go. My commitment is for life. Even if my friend walks out of my life I'll keep worrying about them. I'll respect their space and not trouble them much but I like to remind them once in a while that I still exist. After all if the commitment was mutual, the friend who walked out (usually always that way, I never walk out on anyone) also will think of me once in  awhile. So for every sneeze of mine my friend would have sneezed a thousand times.

Now how does possessiveness come into this definition? I usually recognize when I go over the top with my attention and pause to ask my friend if I'm overwhelming them with my affection. To date no one has complained. As a matter of fact my best friend once told me she liked the attention I showered on her.

Being possessive is alright as long as it does not infringe on your friend's freedom. If I think all the attention is becoming a distraction to my friend and a bit restrictive I usually step back, especially when I get definite signs that I'm overdoing things.

Can that backward step be construed as a reversal in the relationship? Never, my reader. My commitment is for a lifetime. I'm only stepping back to avoid stepping on my friends toes.

Possessiveness is Love. If love overwhelms you then perhaps it was no reciprocated correctly. I mean the friend was not as sincere. Then what was the relationship about anyway.

I'm a possessive person. If you want to be my friend be ready to be overwhelmed.

One parting suggestion, ( because I hate "advising" people) -  
"Walk in the other guy’s shoes. Before you do, sanitize them so you don’t get foot fungus. After you’ve walked a mile in them, give them back, and respect that he might not be willing to walk in yours yet."

Of Possesiveness

A Nice Article about Love: (by Swami Vivekananda)


I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."


This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.


This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.


# Give and don't expect.

# advise, but don't order.

# ask, but never demand.


It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....


This  above matter was forwarded by a someone three years ago. It describes beautifully how possessiveness can be cause for sadness.


The best friend I had walked out of my life abruptly but I'm not sure it was because of my possessiveness. 


There are people who crave attention and thrive in it. There are still other who feel claustrophobic with even a little attention. Where do you draw the line then? How do you know which individual will react in what way? Funny world God created. 


  

A Stranger on My Journey

I'm interrupting this Journey for a moment. I came across someone here on the net and I found that I'm not alone in my search.

Very similar lives, very similar experiences, very similar needs.....

Perhaps it's Gods way of showing me that life is not treating only me badly. It maybe a change for the better. A companion to help me cover the next leg before disappearing into the mists.

I'm tired of losing people in my life. If someone can point out what it is in me that suddenly finds me alone again, I could correct it.

I hope my new  friend will be able to contribute in my search for discovering myself.......